| Acknowledgments | p. xv |
| Foreword | p. xvii |
| Introduction | p. xix |
| Great relationships don't just happen; they are created | p. 3 |
| Vulnerability is disarming | p. 5 |
| If your job gets your best energy, your marriage will wither | p. 7 |
| One of the greatest gifts you can give your partner is your own happiness | p. 9 |
| There's a difference between judging and being judgmental | p. 12 |
| It's possible to hate and love someone at the same time | p. 15 |
| When you complain about your partner to your friends, remember that their feedback is based upon distorted information | p. 17 |
| The only rules in a marriage are those to which you both choose to agree | p. 19 |
| Commitment isn't a prison; it's a means to greater freedom | p. 21 |
| It isn't conflict that destroys marriages; it's the cold, smoldering resentment that is bred by withholding | p. 23 |
| If you choose monogamy, keep your agreement | p. 25 |
| It's not what you've got; it's what you do with it | p. 28 |
| Even good marriages have recurring seasons, and there can be some hard winters | p. 30 |
| Your primary relationship is with your partner, not your children | p. 33 |
| If you think you're too good for your partner, think again | p. 36 |
| Growing up in a happy family doesn't ensure a good marriage, and growing up in an unhappy family doesn't preclude having one | p. 38 |
| It's never too late to repair damaged trust | p. 40 |
| Secrets are lies | p. 43 |
| Sex can improve with age | p. 45 |
| If you're keeping pace with the people around you, you're probably moving too fast | p. 47 |
| If you can't be happy without your partner, you won't be happy together | p. 50 |
| Marriage is like yoga | p. 53 |
| The prince isn't going to come | p. 56 |
| Getting help when you are unable to work things out isn't a sign of weakness; it's a sign of intelligence | p. 58 |
| One person, no matter how much they love you, cannot meet all of your emotional needs | p. 60 |
| Love isn't always enough to sustain a marriage | p. 63 |
| True intimacy can exist only between equals | p. 66 |
| The real issue is usually not the one you're arguing about | p. 70 |
| Love isn't just a feeling; it's an action that shows our caring | p. 72 |
| Expectations set us up for resentment | p. 74 |
| Arguments can't be avoided, but destructive ones can | p. 76 |
| One of the greatest gifts we can give our partner is our focused attention | p. 78 |
| Even people with great marriages sometimes wonder whether they might have married the wrong person | p. 81 |
| Your partner cannot rescue you from unhappiness, but they can help you to rescue yourself | p. 84 |
| The cost of a lie is far greater than any advantage you gain from speaking it | p. 87 |
| Even the best marriages have irreconcilable differences | p. 90 |
| Your opinion is not the truth | p. 93 |
| Vacations are necessities, not luxuries | p. 96 |
| Trust takes years to establish and moments to destroy | p. 99 |
| Ultimatums and threats do more harm than good | p. 102 |
| Guilt-tripping won't get you what you really want | p. 105 |
| Give what you want to receive | p. 107 |
| Don't neglect your friends just because you've acquired a spouse | p. 110 |
| If you think, "You're not the person I married," you're probably right | p. 113 |
| Resisting the temptation to prove your point will win you a lot of points | p. 116 |
| What you judge in your partner is a reflection of what you judge in yourself | p. 118 |
| Your partner is your teacher and your student | p. 120 |
| Commitment is not a one-time event; it's an ongoing process | p. 124 |
| Generosity of spirit is the foundation of great relationships | p. 127 |
| If your partner is being defensive, you may be giving them reason to be | p. 129 |
| Marriage isn't 50/50; it's 100/100 | p. 131 |
| Trust can be rebuilt, even after a painful betrayal, but it may require hard work | p. 134 |
| You can pay now or you can pay later, but the later you pay, the more penalties and interest you accrue | p. 136 |
| The cheap thrill you get from putting down your partner isn't so cheap | p. 139 |
| Marriage does require sacrifice, but what you stand to gain is infinitely greater than what you give up | p. 142 |
| Good sex doesn't necessarily make a marriage great, but it sure helps | p. 144 |
| Forgiveness isn't a one-time event; it's a process | p. 146 |
| Even the tiniest spark can reignite the fire of love | p. 149 |
| If you find out what your partner wants and help them get it, you'll both be happier | p. 153 |
| Marriage alone does not make you a better person, but accepting its challenges does | p. 156 |
| Creating a great marriage generally takes more time and effort than it seems it should | p. 159 |
| Creating a marriage is like launching a rocket: once it clears the pull of gravity, it takes much less energy to sustain the flight | p. 161 |
| Being attracted to someone else doesn't diminish the quality of your marriage; acting on that attraction does | p. 163 |
| A successful marriage has more to do with how you deal with your current reality than what you experienced in the past | p. 165 |
| In order for it to thrive, love requires separateness as well as togetherness | p. 167 |
| We all have a terminal diagnosis | p. 169 |
| Don't keep feelings of gratitude to yourself | p. 172 |
| Knowing where your lines are and being willing to draw them serves your partner as well as yourself | p. 174 |
| You don't have to be able to love well to get married; the training occurs on the job | p. 176 |
| Privacy won't hurt your marriage, but secrecy will | p. 179 |
| Possessiveness and jealousy are born out of fear, not love | p. 182 |
| Facing your fears builds strength; avoiding them diminishes it | p. 184 |
| Authenticity is contagious and habit-forming | p. 187 |
| Don't say anything about your partner that you're not willing to say to them | p. 189 |
| Your greatest weakness can become your greatest strength | p. 193 |
| Of all of the benefits of marriage, the greatest is the possibility of using this relationship to become a more loving person | p. 195 |
| If your partner thinks something is important, it is! | p. 197 |
| Marriages never outgrow the need for romance | p. 199 |
| The sparkle of a new relationship is always temporary | p. 203 |
| There is violence in silence when it's used as a weapon | p. 206 |
| There's a difference between sex and intimacy | p. 209 |
| It's better to focus on what you can do to make things right than on what your partner did to make things wrong | p. 212 |
| The fire of infatuation has to cool before mature love can develop | p. 215 |
| Nothing deadens sexual desire faster than unresolved differences | p. 217 |
| The biggest risk is in not risking | p. 219 |
| If you think marriage counseling is too expensive, try divorce | p. 221 |
| Forgiveness is its own reward | p. 223 |
| Revenge is its own punishment | p. 225 |
| When two hearts are connected, the biggest problems become workable; when they are not, the smallest difficulties seem insurmountable | p. 227 |
| Constructive criticism generally isn't | p. 230 |
| The capacity to feel joy grows in proportion to the capacity to experience pain | p. 232 |
| There is no greater eloquence than the silence of real listening | p. 234 |
| External conflicts are often outer expressions of internal ones | p. 238 |
| One of the greatest questions you can ask your partner is, "How may I best love you?" | p. 240 |
| There's more to be gained by understanding your partner's world than trying to get them to understand yours | p. 242 |
| A loving marriage can heal old emotional wounds more effectively than the best therapy | p. 244 |
| Just keep talkin' | p. 246 |
| Assumptions are fine, as long as you check them out before acting on them | p. 248 |
| Marriages can stay fresh over time | p. 250 |
| Intention may not be the only thing, but it's the most important thing | p. 252 |
| The amount of joy and fulfillment available in a loving partnership is considerably more than you can imagine | p. 254 |
| About the Authors | p. 257 |
| Contact Us | p. 259 |
| Table of Contents provided by Ingram. All Rights Reserved. |
Other versions by this Author