One of America's most popular humor series returns with a brand-new collection of hilariously macabre mishaps and misadventures. Honoring those who improve our gene pool by inadvertently removing themselves from it, The Darwin Awards III: Survival of the Fittestshows once more how uncommon common sense still is. Featuring science and safety discussions, and filled with illustrations depicting inspiring examples of evolution in action, The Darwin Awards IIIincludes over one hundred all-new stories. Readers will celebrate Darwin Award winners who made the "ultimate sacrifice," wonder at the misguided pluck of Honorable Mentions who survived their own bad judgment, and look on in awestruck amusement at Personal Accounts shared with the world by the perpetrators themselves. From the sheriff who inadvertently shot himself twice, to the highway robbers who blocked traffic with their car and were hit by a truck; from the artist who strung a "shell" necklace of live ammunition, to the man crushed by the branch he'd just severed, The Darwin Awards IIIproves again that when it comes to stupidity, no species does it like we do.

A graduate of UC Berkeley with a degree in molecular biology, Wendy Northcutt began collecting the stories that make up the Darwin Awards in 1993 and founded www.DarwinAwards.com soon thereafter. Her award-winning website is one of the most popular humor pages on the web, and has been profiled in USA Today, The Wall Street Journal, and Entertainment Weekly, and on NPR's All Things Considered. She is the author of the international bestsellers The Darwin Awards: Evolution in Action and The Darwin Awards II: Unnatural Selection.

Introduction Darwin Awards are not for everyone—only a select few earn this dubious distinction. Review the rules, the categories, and the evolutionary concepts underpinning the Darwin Awards. THE DARWIN AWARDS: DEFINEDDarwin Awards are bestowed upon individuals who improve our gene pool by removing themselves from it in a spectacularly stupid manner. They involve themselves in situations that a person with even a modicum of common sense would avoid, and their subsequent and predictable demise removes a set of judgment- impaired genes from circulation, thereby ensuring the long-term survival of the human race—which now contains one less idiot.Every time a Darwin Award winner eradicates himself (or, occasionally, herself) from the population, we can breathe a sigh of relief, knowing that our descendants won’t have to deal with—or breed with—the descendants of this mental midget, who lacks the ability to survive his own appallingly ill-conceived ideas.Of necessity this honor is awarded posthumously, except in rare instances where a nominee eliminates only his ability to reproduce.These stories are not mere tragic accidents. They are astonishing misapplications of judgment of such magnitude that the observer can only shake his head ruefully at the poetic justice dished out by fate to a deserving recipient.The Darwin Awards commemorate the not-so-unexpected demise of a wood thief crushed by the overhead tree branch he methodically sawed in half while standing beneath it (page 37); two men competing to see who’s the bravest of them all by holding lit fireworks in their mouths (page 55); a judge who pulled the pin of a live grenade introduced into evidence (page 41); and all the absentminded catastrophes caused by those who repeatedly stump us with their cluelessness.Want to feel like a genius? The next time you feel foolish, stupid, or incompetent, seek out the Darwin Awards and read a few of these true tales of misadventure. You’ll soon realize how brilliant you really are, compared with the morons featured on these pages.And you will probably find yourself taking a few personal pledges while reading this book, such as: I will keep pointy metal objects away from electrical wires.” I will not suck gasoline into a vacuum cleaner.” I will hold no fireworks in my mouth.” No sleeping in the road for me!”There is an especial danger in new technology, which presents challenges that some people find insurmountable. The cover illustration shows the quintessential modern Darwin Award winner, holding a cell phone, intent on the wrong signals, and clueless in the face of impending doom. The image of a squashed cell-phone user typifies the absentminded human animal, unaware of dicey circumstances and headed for trouble.Cell phones have become ubiquitous, but humans are still singularly ill equipped to use these devices safely. Although we have been communicating for millennia, we have not yet evolved the multitasking aptitude needed to talk on a cell phone while driving. Put one of these lethal instruments to the ear of the average driver, and a traffic accident is quite likely to occur. In fact, accidents involving cell phones are too common to be eligible for a Darwin Award unless additional stupidity is present. What’s That Sound?” on page 160 and (un) Armed and Dangerous” on page 190 are two sterling examples.As more and more people remove themselves from the gene pool while using cell phones, the species as a whole will become better equipped to safely coexist with this new technology. As the population of cell- phone idiots is slowly depleted, one can imagine a golden day, far in the future, when cell phones are considered as safe to use as a faucet. A 2002 Harvard study estimated that 6 percent of U.S. traffic accidents are caused by drivers talking on cell phones, resulting in 2,600 deaths and 330,000 injuries