Every parent wants the golden key to raising well-behaved, academically gifted, successful, happy children. Embedded in the collective psyche is the notion that discipline is the cornerstone to achieving these goals. Out of Control offers a never-before-published perspective on why the entire premise of discipline is flawed. Dr. Shefali Tsabary reveals how discipline is a major cause of generations of dysfunction. The author goes to the heart of the problems parents have with children, challenging society’s dependence on discipline, daring readers to let go of fear-based ideologies and replace them with an approach that draws parent and child together. The key is ongoing meaningful connection between parent and child, free from threats, deprivation, punishment, and timeouts — all forms of manipulation. Parents learn how to enter into deep communion with their children, understanding the reasons for a behavior and how to bring out the best in the child. Far from a laissez-faire, anything goes, approach, this is how a child learns responsibility and takes ownership of their life, equipped with character and resilience that flow naturally from within.

Shefali Tsabary, Ph.D., received her doctorate in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University, New York. Dr. Shefali was exposed to Eastern philosophy at an early age and integrates its teachings with Western psychology. This blend of East and West allow her to reach a global audience and establishes her as one of a kind in the field of mindfulness psychology. She lectures extensively on mindful living and conscious parenting around the world and currently has a private psychotherapy practice in New York City. Her books include It's a Mom: What You Should Know about the Early Years of Motherhood and The Conscious Parent. She lives in New York City.

1 A World that Majors in Control

2 Why Discipline Doesn’t Work

3 Is It Really for Your Child’s “Own Good”?

4 Let Consequences Do Their Job

5 How Rescuing Our Children Teaches Irresponsibility

6 Rudeness, Biting, and Hitting: How to Make Your Child’s Limits Clear

7 Your Children Are Here to Challenge Your Integrity

8 How to Say “Yes” or “No” Effectively

9 You’re Not a Moviemaker

10 Abandon the Idea of Perfection

11 A Strong Child Lives Here

12 It’s Not about You

13 Learn to Read Your Child’s Cues

14 What It Means to Honor Your Child

15 Is What You Are Asking Fair?

16 How to Stay Sane as Your Child Goes Through Phases

17 Tricking Children Is Tricky Business

18 What to Do When Your Child Shuts You Out

19 The Rule about Rules

20 How to Respond to a Teen Who Rebels

21 Avoid Homework Battles

22 Why Do Children Bully?

23 The Challenge of Sibling Rivalry and Children Who Can’t Get Along with Other Children

24 When You Spare the Rod, You Don’t Spoil Your Child

25 In Defense of Parents

26 How to Be an Effective Parent

27 Let’s Connect

28 W Is for Witness

29 I Is for Inquire

30 N Is for Neutrality

31 N Is for Negotiate

32 E Is for Empathize

33 R Is for Resolve

Afterword

Tips for Staying Sane in the Conflict Zone